Who says church can't be fun?!

The following announcements actually appeared in a church bulletin or were delivered verbally at a church service:

Miss Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning is Jesus Walks on the Water. Tonight's sermon: Searching for Jesus.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Bob's sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The low self-esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's “Hamlet” in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Now Up Yours."

Our next hymn is Angels We Have Heard Get High.

Announcement in the church bulletin for National Prayer and Fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."

(Special thanks to TheYoungFlyer for passing this along!)