While I was out...

...Christmas came and went! LOL Hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I got some kewl stuff in the mail from several kind residents of LaSalle County, enjoyed catching up on the phone with some of my friends, had a few drinks and a steak dinner. Plus, I had four days off in a row (practically a vacation, I tells ya!), though I didn't get to spend them as I had planned.

I had intended on posting something here either Christmas Eve or Christmas night, but never got around to it in time before the mother of all colds hit me like a ton of bricks. Yeah, I ended up coming down with some mutated strain of bronchitis/bubonic plague on Christmas night and have pretty much felt like shit every day since.

I stayed with some friends in Bayfield that night and later in the evening I could tell I was getting sick. When I got in bed, I couldn't sleep, was freezing my ass off (which is unusual for me) under the covers and could not get warm for hours. Then I finally drifted off around 1:30 a.m. only to wake up two hours later boiling. My throat was all raw and scratchy, and I could feel my inner ear when I swallowed (never a good sign for me), so I knew I was in for it.

I never did get back to sleep the rest of the night; I just tossed and turned and watched some DishTV. It was snowing when I got up around 6 and all I could think about was getting home to my own bed -- 25 miles away. I knew neither my condition nor that of the highways were likely to improve as the day wore on, so I got up and started packing.

When I went outside to load my car Friday morning, the cold air felt so good. In fact, it didn't even seem cold to me at all and the snow was just melting off my car as I was brushing it off the windows. I started thinking that maybe I had such a high fever my body heat was melting the snow, but then my friend told me the temperature had actually risen during the night. LOL

Anyway, I made it home OK (though some alarming dashboard warning lights came on while I was going through Washburn) and I didn't leave the house again until Sunday when I had to go to work. That was not a pleasant experience at all, as by now I had developed this hacking, dry cough and was so exhausted from not being able to get any decent sleep that I could hardly see straight. Unfortunately, there are only three people who know how to do my job: me, my boss (who had just covered the night desk on Thursday and Friday), and Chad, who was out of town visiting family. So I just had to suck it up and get that paper out, which I did!

Somehow I made it through the next two nights as well, even though I felt progressively worse each day. By Monday night, the virus from Hell had migrated up to my sinuses and my nose had transformed into a spigot. Jeepers! I haven't had anything like this in years. It was coming out like Niagara Falls. I went through an entire box of Kleenex during a 12-hour period and was up pretty much all night -- again! Tuesday morning, my nose and the skin surrounding it were bright red and sore as the dickens. I looked like W.C. Fields on a three-day bender. LOL

I dropped some cash at the Medicine Shoppe before work yesterday though and ingested a wide selection of pharmaceuticals (including swigging Tussin right out of the bottle at my desk!) last night to keep the beast at bay. Now I have today off, at least, and I am so thankful! I do feel somewhat better, especially since my cough has greatly improved. My nose and lips are still fairly crusty at the moment, but this too shall pass. ;-)

Take care, everyone!

(D-IL) WEED

You guys, I about shite myself when I saw all of the wire stories Tuesday afternoon on AP about Blago. WTF?!! Up to that point, I had not heard a single thing about the whole shameful mess, so I was pretty shocked, mortified, embarrassed (and somewhat amused), to say the least.

There were so many sidebars and whatnot that (with my managing editor's approval) I gleefully ran an entire page in the next day's paper about that megalomaniacal toe-rag with the header "ILLINOIS' GUBERNATORIAL SCANDAL".

There were articles about the three previous governors who went to prison (Ryan, Walker and Kerner), plus stuff about Obama and the prosecutor Fitzpatrick, It was a bloodbath and Blago deserves every fucking minute of it! Up until presstime tonight he was still trying to act like everything was just hunky-dory and it was business as usual at the ol' Governor's office.

I used a color photo of that racist SOB taking the oath of office in Springfield with his apparently foul-mouthed wife holding the Bible. (In fact, it is the very same AP photo shown above.) For the caption kicker in boldface, I soooo wanted to put, "LYING SACK OF SHIT", but I settled for the slightly less inflammatory "OATH BREAKER". LOL

What a blot on the Land of Lincoln landscape! I predict that he will finally figure it out and resign tomorrow. (If not, he is seriously delusional and must be trying for an insanity defense.) The handwriting is on the fucking wall, asswipe. Get the fuck out of town!!!

'Tis the season

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

We still don't have a ton of snow or anything, but there is a light dusting now and we seem to get some flurries every day. Many people have their Christmas trees and decorations lit up at night and there are Christmas-y ads in the paper and on TV. I applied a Christmas skin to my Firefox browser over the weekend.
A couple of wreaths magically appeared on the walls at work the other day and there's talk of putting up a tree in the newsroom. I've even been hunting around here for some decorations to put up (so far, without much success) when normally I could give a rat's. What's up with that? Am I actually getting into the Christmas spirit here...just a teeny-weeny bit?


Bah, humbug!!


LMFAO!

"I fall asleep counting my blessings..."

For all of you trivia buffs, that was Bing Crosby in the film, White Christmas, folks. When I was thinking about writing this blog entry tonight at work, that lyric ran through my mind so I thought it would make a nice post title.

Well, another Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone. Although I spent mine alone and had to work from 3 to 11 or so, I have so many things in my life for which to be thankful. For starters, I have a great new apartment in a new city and a full-time job doing something I halfway enjoy and for which I went to college.

And I have many wonderful friends, without whom I would never have made it here to begin this new chapter in my life. So right now I want to serve up a huge casserole dish heaped with gratitude to:

• The good people of Trinity Episcopal Church, Mineral Point
• Father Bob and Barbara
• Father Ward, Andrew, Pep and Jim from St. Andrew's Episcopal Church, Ashland
• Pam, the best sis-in-law evah
• Robin
• Scott (aka Wot)
• Carolyn
• Kathy
• Mark and Dorothy
  
• Diana and Tom
• Randy, the U-Haul dude
  
• Mrs. B.
  
• Claire and Rex
• Susanne
• Cheryl

If I forgot anyone, I sincerely apologize, but it's getting late and I'm pretty tired. One more thing I did want to mention, however -- my Thanksgiving dinner consisted of a Marie Callender's turkey pot pie, which I told Chad about when I first got to work today because he asked me what I had. (It was actually good and, of course, I put shredded cheese in it after smashing the crust in like I always do.)

Well, I was so surprised and pleased when Chad came back to the office this evening bearing a plate of chow from Rick's house. He said they thought I should have something besides a pot pie on Thanksgiving. :-)

There was a little bit of everything on there, including yummy white meat, dressing, wild rice, potatoes, green beans, sweet potatoes and ... are you ready for this? DUCK!! LMAO

When Chad told me there was duck on the plate too, I just had to ask if it was turducken!! Then a little while ago after I got home I was watching the Stephen Colbert Christmas special and there was a turducken reference on there as well. LOL Thanks, you guys!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

This time of year always reminds me of that infamous episode of WKRP where they tossed live turkeys out of a plane over Cincinnati. Les Nessman's Hindenburg disaster-style commentary was priceless, but the most memorable line came from Mr. Carlson. When the doomed turkeys began hitting the sidewalk "like wet bags of cement," a horrified Carlson swore, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"

They don't make 'em like that anymore, folks. And what really sucks is if you happen to catch reruns of this show now (or even if you buy it on DVD, I hear), the original soundtrack music is gone, replaced by lame-ass copycat tunes or second-rate garbage that Dr. Fever would never have played. And all because some greedy suits won't release the rights to the music without getting paid some exorbitant fee. Stick it to the man, baby!

I was done with the paper tonight by 10:30, which totally ruled! My priorities have been made abundantly clear to me and I am on a mission to get the paper out on time at all cost. From here on out, I am a deadline-seeking missile. Let nothing stand in my way! Devil take the hindmost ... as well as proper grammar and punctuation. LMAO!

Hooray for Captain Spaulding!

And the train conductor says 'Take a break Driver 8,
Driver 8, take a break,
We've been on this shift too long' ...

OK, here's the gist: After a most stressful 10 hours at work, during which I comported myself with utmost discretion and diplomacy despite the odious presence of a certain procrastinating asswipe, I am extremely thankful to be home in my warm apartment, surrounded by my kewl stuff, eating a garlic crust pizza, watching Animal Crackers (starring the Marx Brothers) and enjoying a few Bacardi and Diet Cokes.

Went through two more boxes tonight and finally found my Squidbillies DVD set! Yee-haw!! (I have Early Cuyler on my desktop at work, actually.) Now, if I could just find my hair dryer and my Big Top Chautauqua cap.

It's supposed to be pretty dang cold this weekend and I need to do laundry. We'll see if I feel like hauling my stuff out to the laundromat or not... Might go out again this weekend. K is supposed to call and let me know the scoop.

Hope you all have some yummy plans for Thanksgiving. I am going to make exciting Thanksgiving tacos! It's become my tradition when I stay at home instead of visiting family/friends in Illinois.

Did anyone catch Denis Leary on The Daily Show? I can't wait until Rescue Me starts again, dammit! I have watched that show since Day One and I can't wait to see what happens to Tommy Gavin next...

Alright, nighty-night, folks!!

Ol' Man Winter at the door...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

Olman.

Olman who?

Ol' Man Winter, dude!! You'd best get them longjohns out of mothballs right quick!



Yeah, I know, that was a really lame knock-knock joke, but I don't have the time at the moment to think of anything better. LOL
It's been much colder here the last few days and we've had more snow flurries. Even though by some fluke the sun is shining right now, winter is definitely right around the corner. In fact, I can hear that bugger comin'. Good thing I have those nice warm Spongebob jammies and slippers, eh? ;-)

First night out on the town in Ashland!

Greetings from further north
than most people care to live:

Tonight I met a couple of friends from work for a few drinks at the Deepwater Grille on Main Street. It was really fun and I am so glad I went. ;-) I had not been out anywhere yet (except for the grocery store, Wal-Mart and the Super Wash laundromat) since moving here, so I was quite excited about the evening and was not disappointed.

My intention was to buy them at least one round of drinks, especially for Chad, who bailed me out so many times when I was first starting out, but they had a tab started and ended up paying for mine, which was very nice of them.

I have to tell you, I had a total heart-stopping moment when I spied one of the Big Top Chautauqua performers further down the bar. I happen to have a framed photo of myself with this individual, own his solo CD, etc., and am pretty much of a groupie, so I was really shitting a brick when I saw him there. It was too funny...

OK, here's the GbV song running through my head at the moment and it's most appropriate:

I Am a Scientist

I am a scientist - I seek to understand me,
All of my impurities and evils yet unknown.
I am a journalist - I write to you to show you.
I am an incurable,
And nothing else behaves like me.

And I know what's right,
But I'm losing sight,
Of the clues for which I search and choose,
To abuse,
To just unlock my mind.
Yeah, and just unlock my mind.

I am a pharmacist,
Prescriptions I will fill you;
Potions, pills and medicines,
To ease your painful lives.
I am a lost soul,
I shoot myself with rock & roll.
The hole I dig is bottomless,
But nothing else can set me free.

Even a cursory analysis of those lyrics will reveal several layers of meaning. ;-) If you haven't yet discovered this little gem by Sir Bobert, Stan, I highly recommend it for what ails ya. You'll find it on their landmark 1994 release, Bee Thousand.

Ny-tol!

Tater,

JotWU

A night to remember

Well, we were all witnesses tonight to history being made. I just happened to have a front row seat. ;-) It was a very long and stressful night at the paper and I didn't get outta there until almost 1:30 a.m., but it was so worth it. Everyone did such a great job and the final product is something I was proud of. That front page, with its huge 72-point headline -- "History is made" -- is apparently destined for framing and (I've been told) will soon grace the walls of The Daily Press.

I was so wired by the time the jump page came through the rip that there was no way I was going right to bed. Came home, made a drink and watched the hour-long, live, election night special with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Ahhhh, the perfect way to end my wild night.

Good night, America, and good luck!

Rock the vote!

My fellow Americans,

Now hear this...

If you haven't already done so, get out there and vote tomorrow! Fight the power!!

Have an eerie All Hallow's Eve, everyone!!

A horrifying hats off to Heather Crazy for creating this ghoulishly groovy pumpkin tribute to Guided by Voices. Already known in GbV fan circles for her annual pumpkin tributes to the band, which were featured on various websites, she carved the image shown above for one of her jack o' lanterns in 2004 when the band broke up.
I have been listening to GbV a lot again recently and even played Frostman Road, (a homemade compilation CD for which I took the cover photo several years ago right down the road here on Hwy. 13, in fact!), at work the other night on the boombox conveniently located right next to my desk. LOL I had observed that the pressmen and sports guys sometimes have tunes going in their respective areas, so I thought I would follow suit.
Anyway, I hope you all have a great time tonight - whatever mischief you decide to get up to! ;-)

PS. A very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Sir Bobert and Carolyn!!!

Weener Howlin'

Happy Hallowe'en to one and all!

For some strange reason, I have always invented my own words for things. When I was a kid, apparently I used to call cowboys on horses "moo-cows on hoe-dih-dee-dahs". And according to reliable accounts, in my bizarre parlance, Halloween was known as "weener howling". LOL I have no idea why.

Anyway, it's getting horrifyingly close to my favorite holiday of the year and I just wanted to take this opportunity to post another kewl pic and wish you all a very spooktacular All Hallow's Eve and/or Samhain. ;-)

I must say, a big part of the reason I am up so late tonight is that I am stoked over my most excellent performance at work. ;-) I sent the proof for Page One at 10:15 p.m., which Carole, the typist/proofreader for the evening, promptly declared a new record. I am not sure if she meant overall or just for me. It definitely was the latter! LOL I am really feeling comfortable and confident at work now and it's so awesome.

I have Halloween night off and plan to do something fun, despite having to (regrettably) "hide" from the trick-or-treaters because in my present circumstances, I can't afford to hand out candy to several hundred costumed youngsters, which is what I was told to expect here on Chapple Avenue. Apparently, my new street is a hotbed of Halloween activity.

I have been listening to some wonderful music tonight, especially "30th Star" by the amazing Lake Superior Big Top Chautauqua, headquartered in nearby Washburn. This original musical production, written by the talented Warren Nelson for the state sesquicentennial in 1998 (the year I moved to Madison, as it happens), recounts the fascinating story of Wisconsin's history accompanied by vintage photographs and meaningful lyrics. I love this stuff! I was actually present at the Civic Center in Madtown for the live recording of this show on Oct. 23, 1998. My friend, Claire, swears she can hear me hootin' and hollerin' in the background when she plays the CD. LOL

It's now nearly 3:30 a.m., even though my PC keeps telling me it is only 2:28, thanks to W and his idjit advisors, who decided to fuck with Daylight Savings Time. You all better vote for Obama ... if only to keep McSell-out and his she-devil outta there. 'Nuff said.

Nighty-night.


PS. ... There is a page, it's still unwritten. Why can't you find ... time in your busy schedule ... to pick up, for God's sake, when we call you back to the lake?

Guided by Voices live, from Universal Truths and Cycles


I fucking did and I am so glad!


PPS. A truly ghoulish thank-you to The Young Flyer for providing the boo-tee-ful image of her family's Halloween castle made from gingerbread. Sistah, you rawk!

Drunken punkin

Dang, those gourd-dam hooligans will not stay off my front porch! I will never get these steps clean...
Uh-oh, look out! Fire in the hole!!


BTW: I made a few changes around here again so the color scheme would be more in keeping with the autumn season. I sure wish Blogger would add some holiday-themed templates to their selection. That would rock! (Hint, hint!)

The secret lives of jack o' lanterns...

Wooo-hooooooooooo!! Apparently all of the pumpkins in the neighborhood partied on my front porch last night!

Halloween is nigh!

Ghastly Greetings from the Shores of Gitchee Gumee!!

I really don't have the time or gumption to post much of anything right at this moment. I just wanted to give you guys a new photo to gaze at. LOL

ENJOY!

I have arrived!

HI, FOLKS!

Well, it was quite an adventure getting here, but I am finally moved into my new apartment and am back online as of this afternoon. Due to circumstances way beyond my control, I was forced to wait an extra day before making the drive up, which did not make me a very happy camper.

And despite my best efforts (including two rummage sales) to purge my earthly belongings, it still took two U-Hauls to get me and my 5 tons of stuff to Ashland. But strangely enough, as it turned out, I had an Episcopal priest driving each of the moving trucks. Plus, when we got here after a grueling 7-hour trip, total strangers from my new church (including my new parish priest's son and two vestry members) helped us unload everything.

When she heard about my two heavenly roadies, my new boss seemed fairly nonplussed. Then I really freaked her out by telling her that God sent me here. And do you know what the real kicker is...? After everything I've been through to get to this point in my life, I truly believe that. So don't mess with me, St. Stan or Mother Madame Superior. LOL Will write more soon. Take care everyone.

PS. And yes that is an actual photo of the first 14-foot truck being backed up to my front door last Monday afternoon.

Fall is in the air!

I have always wanted to see the fall colors up in northern Wisconsin, but my visits to Bayfield always coincided with "Old Last Night" at the Lake Superior Big Top Chautauqua, which takes place the weekend after Labor Day. And unfortunately, the autumn foliage isn't in its full glory up there until a few weeks later, so I would always just miss it. Well, it looks like I will finally get my chance this year! ;-)

(Image from visualparadox.com.)

Feel like I'm ridin' the short bus to Squirrel Nutkin Elementary School

Don't you hate those safe driving campaigns they always run when the kids go back to school? It's like, go ahead and aim for the little shits all summer when they're out riding their bikes and skateboards in the middle of the street, but now that they are all safely tucked away in school for most of the day, we all need to be told to watch out for them. LOL

Anyway, I liked this photo and I've been saving it until now to post. Plus, I am feeling fairly "nutty" today, what with all of the rummaging through my belongings going on as we gear up for the big blowout porch sale this Saturday and Sunday. ;-)

A grizzly fate

Damn, looks like Stephen Colbert was right after all! I better watch my step in the Chequamegon National Forest around Ashland.

If you go out in the woods today,
you're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today,
you'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

And guess who's on the menu! ;-)

{BTW: If you're having trouble reading the print on the sign, click on the photo to see a larger image.}


(Thanks to my friend Lynne H. in Rockford for sending me this timely warning.)

Only eight short years ago...

Sometimes it's difficult for me to believe I've lived here in Mineral Point for eight years, but then I look in the mirror and can no longer deny the passage of time. Yes sirree, a lot can change in eight years.
Back in March 2000, a Southwest Airlines plane arriving from Las Vegas (see accompanying photo) overshot the runway in Burbank, Calif. The wayward jet crashed through an airport fence, careened across a street and ended up next to a Chevron station.
But that's not the most amazing thing about this photo. Check out those gas prices, gang! Behold, the madness of King George!!

More Ashland photos

Ashland's Breakwater Lighthouse on Chequamegon Bay. The hexagonal lighthouse is 58 feet high and was first lit in 1915. (By some odd coincidence, the same year Stan first got lit. LMAO!)

Built in 1916, the last remaining Soo Line iron ore dock juts out over Lake Superior at Ashland. There were originally four ore docks, each a quarter-mile long. As of late 2007, this historic dock was slated for imminent demolition, as its owners, Canadian National Railroad, are concerned about possible liability issues for the aging concrete and steel structure. (It was still there as of my recent visit, however!)
FUN FACT: The Ashland High School athletic team goes by the name the Oredockers. This could make for some interesting taunts at football games by the opposing team, I would imagine. LOL

Here's the Lake Superior shore in Ashland on a winter's morn.

The Great White North

In response to a request from our very own devil's advocate, Stan, who wanted me to post a photo of what the winters are like up in Ashland (the flipside of the summertime view I previously posted), here is a shot of the ice road across Lake Superior leading to Madeline Island, about 25 miles from Ashland.

It doesn't always get cold enough for the lake to freeze, but most winters the locals get to take advantage of this (to me, terrifying) alternate route to the largest island in the Apostle Island chain, as well as the only one with a year-round population. When I first saw the ads for that A&E program, Ice Road Truckers, I immediately thought of Madeline Island. LOL
I have taken the ferry over (a 25-minute ride) and visited the island with friends. Two Episcopal priests, as it so happened. One was a woman named Judy, whom my friends always jokingly referred to as "Judith Priest." LOL

Here's a little background on Madeline Island from Wikipedia:

"The island can only be reached by ferry during the summer months; in the winter, ice usually becomes too thick for ferry traffic. The last ferry runs of the season are typically some time in mid-to-late January, though in recent years the ferry has run well in to February, and in 2006 ran the entire winter.

When ice conditions allow, the "ice road" officially opens to vehicle traffic from Bayfield across the frozen surface to Madeline Island. The ice road is traditionally marked by Christmas trees and is officially an extension of County Highway H. If ice is too thin for automobile traffic, but too thick for ferry traffic, access to the island is by airplane, snowmobile and windsled only."

If you're of a mind to, you can learn more about the rich history of Madeline Island here.

All signs point north!

Sunset over Lake Superior in Ashland, WI - Summer 2002

NOTICE of INTENT to VACATE said PREMISES:

All concerned parties having now been duly informed, this is an official announcement: As of Aug. 22, I am the new night editor at The Daily Press in Ashland, WI! Woooo-hooooooo! (pinches self) When do I assume my new duties, you ask? ASAP! We agreed it would be no later than Oct. 1. If I get the apartment I want, I am looking at a mid-September move date (checks pulse) and a nervous breakdown sometime in the next two weeks. ;-)
I truly believe this whole thing was meant to be (for reasons I will delve into in a later post) and that somehow I have been preparing for this major leap of faith for quite some time, perhaps without even really being aware of it. I have wanted to move up there since I first visited friends in the area in 1999, and I have made many memorable trips back there over the last nine years. Ashland is right on Lake Superior and not far from Bayfield and the Apostle Islands.


Bloody hell! Having computer problems.... will post more soon!!

"It's the rapture! Go git mah Jesus wig."

Here's an awesome tribute to Ruby Jean "Granny" Cuyler from Squidbillies, the best show on Adult Swim. Granny is voiced by the talented Dana Snyder who also can be heard on Aqua Teen Hunger Force as Master Shake. Just for shits and giggles, here's the Wikipedia description of Granny:

"Early and Lil's grandmother is purple, hangs from a walker, and has only five tentacles for unexplained reasons. Granny is a devout Christian and regularly sees visions of Jesus, though like the rest of her family she does not shy away from violence or foul language. Aside from being an apparent nymphomaniac, she is also frequently rattled and unclear about her current whereabouts."

Now after viewing this twisted video, some of you (specifically those who know what I have been doing to earn a living for the last year and a half) may be puzzled by the paradoxical irony of it all. However, if there's one thing I've learned in my nearly 48 years on this planet, ya gotta maintain a sense of humor about most things. Otherwise, you end up old and crabby before your time. (Just like my ex-husband...LMAO!!)

Summertime makeover

In case you hadn't already noticed, I've been busy this weekend sprucing things up around here. ;-) In the upper righthand corner, I added a poll for all of you "dorkside" aficionados. (You know who you are!) And if you scroll to the bottom you will see my latest TOP 10 list, plus the Turner Classic Movies "Summer Under the Stars" photo booth widget.
The latter offers different photos and a fresh video daily highlighting TCM's featured star for that day. Today it's Gregory Peck, but I was surprised and a little disappointed (even though I have it on VHS) to see they weren't showing To Kill a Mockingbird. That is one of my all-time favorite films and probably Peck's greatest performance - certainly his greatest role.

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS!

"In the late 1980s, Internet users adopted the word 'troll' to denote someone who intentionally disrupts online communities. Early trolling was relatively innocuous, taking place inside of small, single-topic Usenet groups. The trolls employed what M.I.T. professor Judith Donath calls a 'pseudo-naïve' tactic, asking stupid questions and seeing who would rise to the bait. The game was to find out who would see through this stereotypical newbie behavior, and who would fall for it. As one guide to trolldom puts it, 'If you don’t fall for the joke, you get to be in on it.'

Today the Internet is much more than esoteric discussion forums. It is a mass medium for defining who we are to ourselves and to others. Teenagers groom their MySpace profiles as intensely as their hair; escapists clock 50-hour weeks in virtual worlds, accumulating gold for their online avatars. Anyone seeking work or love can expect to be Googled. As our emotional investment in the Internet has grown, the stakes for trolling — for provoking strangers online — have risen. Trolling has evolved from ironic solo skit to vicious group hunt."

The above two paragraphs are taken from a disturbing yet fascinating new article from The New York Times Magazine about the secret lives of Internet trolls. The writer, Mattathias Schwartz, delves into the hidden motivations, aspirations and machinations of this increasingly malevolent and anarchic subculture.

Anyone who has ever frequented a message board or other online forum has probably come across at least one troll. I have witnessed troll behavior ranging from mildly annoying to downright infuriating (not to mention patently pathetic). However, the kinds of things described in the aforementioned article take trolling to "a-hole" new level.

Why do trolls spend so much time and energy messing with people they've never even met? As one who has indulged in some fairly mild trolling over the years (one memorable instance of which resulted in a certain much-despised poster being banned from a site - mission accomplished!), my own motivation to heckle someone is always driven by what I perceive as malicious, inflammatory or otherwise unacceptable online behavior on the part of my intended victim.

Schwartz, on the other hand, offers this equally valid if somewhat dire explanation:
"...while technology reduces the social barriers that keep us from bedeviling strangers, it does not explain the initial trolling impulse. This seems to spring from something ugly — a destructive human urge that many feel but few act upon, the ambient misanthropy that’s a frequent ingredient of art, politics and, most of all, jokes. There’s a lot of hate out there, and a lot to hate as well."

BTW: here's an insightful observation by Schwartz that I wish a certain newspaper publisher would keep in mind when policing his own blogs:
"All vigorous debates shade into trolling at the perimeter; it is next to impossible to excise the trolling without snuffing out the debate."

In the end, Schwartz's conclusions only serve to reinforce what I have long held to be true - Don't feed the trolls! He writes:
"The willingness of trolling 'victims' to be hurt by words ... makes them complicit, and trolling will end as soon as we all get over it. ...trolling will stop only when its audience stops taking trolls seriously."

Read the complete article by Mr. Schwartz here.

Abandon hope, all ye that enter here...

...which is my rather sardonic way of welcoming all and sundry to my humble online abode. ;-) The recent heat wave, not to mention some things going on in my personal life at the moment, put me in mind of Dante's Inferno.

I am rather wound up tonight and thought it was about time I posted something on my blog, for criminy's sake. LOL Even if it's basically just a new photo.

By the way, this isn't just ANY photo. The above is one of the last known images of the ill-fated neon sign which featured so prominently in many a Guided by Voices concert. I snapped this in April 2000 at The Annex in Madison, WI, shortly before the sign was destroyed by an overzealous (and undoubtedly drunken) fanboy.

So what does it mean, you ask? The phrase - "The club is open" - is a partial lyric from setlist staple, "A Salty Salute," off of GbV's seminal 1995 effort, Alien Lanes.

Long live Rockathon!!

Who says church can't be fun?!

The following announcements actually appeared in a church bulletin or were delivered verbally at a church service:

Miss Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning is Jesus Walks on the Water. Tonight's sermon: Searching for Jesus.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Bob's sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The low self-esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's “Hamlet” in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Now Up Yours."

Our next hymn is Angels We Have Heard Get High.

Announcement in the church bulletin for National Prayer and Fasting conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."

(Special thanks to TheYoungFlyer for passing this along!)

Sign o' the times

Sage advice: Let's all switch from a gas-guzzling to a beer-guzzling nation!

All the news that's fit to print

And the hits just keep on comin'Tom Cruise as Lt. Daniel Kaffee in A Few Good Men

Judging by my recent neglect of this blog, you might think nothing at all has been happening in my life, when in fact quite the opposite is true. I haven't written anything on here for lo these many weeks simply because I didn't know where to start. I still don't, really.
But for now, I would like to at least list the recent changes that have occurred:
1. Mr. B, an elderly gentleman whom I used to watch (I always referred to it as "mansitting") while his wife went to her grandkids' basketball games and such, passed away in late February.
2. Alice, the 90-year-old former librarian whom I had been caring for 3-4 days a week for nearly a year, died April 21. Her death, in particular, left a jagged, gaping hole in my life.
3. My sister-in-law, Pam, spent eight days here earlier this month helping, cajoling, cheering and threatening me into dealing with my embarrassing and at the time seemingly hopeless clutter problem.
4. My mom's twin brother, Uncle Jack, and the only remaining relative on that side of the family that I give a shit about, died in a nursing home on May 16.
I plan to write more soon about each of the above, but I had to get something down now to break the long silence. Lately, I have felt once more like a deer caught in the single, blinding headlight of a steam locomotive - transfixed, powerless to move as the crushing weight of time and circumstance bears inexorably down on me. To hell with jumping off the tracks. I think it's time to derail that fucking train.
TATER!

Soccer kittens of the World (Cup) unite!

Rather a blast

For several years now I have been a fan of Joel Veitch, the talented and crazy mind behind the now (sadly, IMO) defunct Quizno's ad campaign that featured what appeared to be roadkill mice on acid shrieking, "We loooove the subs!" That bizarre ad was a take-off on a music video (for lack of a better term... LOL) created by Mr. Veitch and available for your viewing pleasure at http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/. Make sure you have the speakers turned up for this one, folks!

So what about the soccer kitties, you ask? Just click here:

http://uk.sports.yahoo.com/world-cup-2006/world-cup-song/index.html

PS. Mr. Veitch has plenty of other hilarious videos, many featuring guitar-strumming, smoking, and stomping kittens, on his site, known for some inexplicable reason as The Lair of the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom. Here's the link: www.rathergood.com. Now get busy watchin' and larfin'!

Attention, Coldplay and Morse fans!

Greetings, fellow Anglophiles:
This is one of my fave fan vids from YouTube. It features clips from the diverse career of Ian McDiarmid (the Scottish actor probably most familiar to American viewers as the evil Senator and later Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars), including scenes from my favorite Inspector Morse episode, Masonic Mysteries (pictured above), all set to Coldplay's "Talk." Click and enjoy! Stovepipe hats off to appsius, creator of this little gem. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stl75E6pyvU

Jimmy rules, Phil drools

Renowned marmot meteorologist Jimmy the Groundhog from Sun Prairie, WI. [Jimmy is the one not wearing glasses, by the way. ;-) ]


April, come she will...

I totally blew it for April Fool's day, gang. I had two things in mind to write about, both associated with a certain newspaper in Sun Prairie, WI, where I worked in 1998-99. However, since I was out of town last Monday and didn't arrive home until Tuesday evening, I never did get around to even deciding which one to go with, let alone actually typing them.

I now elect to "imp" The Times posthaste, which published a single April Fool's Day "bogus" news story, as opposed to The Star in Sun Prairie. We had three fake news stories on April 1, 1999, encompassing the entire front page!

Mine dealt with an alleged plot to murder local celeb Jimmy the Groundhog, Sun Prairie's weather-predicting rival to Punxsutawney Phil. The lame sports editor wrote an article that said Ashley Field, the local HS football venue, was being Astro-turfed. The managing editor's contribution warned that the local public library was about to fall into a sinkhole and would soon be the first subterranean library in Dane County. LOL

Here is my little gem, which ran complete with photos of Jimmy and Phil:

(NOTE: All quotes from The Punxsutawney Spirit are real. LOL I sent away for a copy of that issue of the paper.)

FBI Investigates Phil 'hit' on Jimmy
by Merry P. Rankster
Special to The Star

The New York Herald reported today that the FBI has confirmed it is investigating well-known groundhog underworld kingpin Punxsutawney Phil, the so-called "Seer of Seers," whose feeble attempts at predicting the weather have been the source of so much amusement to Sun Prairians.

However, Sun Prairie residents may not be so amused to learn that Phil has allegedly placed a $250,000 contract on their beloved Jimmy's life. A rare Sicilian groundhog, Feckless Phil (aka "Phil the Shill") has long been suspected of having ties to organized crime, but this was the first instance in which actual evidence was obtained against the 22-year-old marmot.

His youngest brother White Plains Will (known in mob circles as "Will the Pill") was brought in for questioning Tuesday at New York's 12th Precinct. "We have the hairy brute in a holding habitat and we're confident he's going to crack," said Capt. Barney Miller. "We're pretty sure Will will finger his brother as the one who put the hit out on Jimmy."

The longstanding rivalry between Punxsutawney Phil and Jimmy apparently took an ugly turn when the latter was featured on the cover of GQ: The Groundhog Quarterly as "Woodchuck of the Year". At that time, Phil became suicidal and began experiencing recurring bouts of tunnel vision.
"Phil has always been extremely insecure," observed a large brown Pennsylvania Dutch badger who wished to remain anonymous. "Jimmy's accuracy percentage is much higher than Phil's and I guess it just sorta sticks in his craw."

According to the Feb. 3, 1999, edition of The Punxsutawney Spirit, Phil "has predicted an early spring just 13 times, though he is only right about 40% of the time." On the other hand, lending credence to the anonymous badger's claim, Sun Prairie's lovable marmot meteorologist Jimmy has a proven accuracy rating of 79%.

The Herald quoted an unnamed source close to the Punxsutawney prognosticator's camp as saying, "Phil is the Rodney Dangerfield of groundhogs. He just doesn't get any respect!" Even Phil's own hometown newspaper dissed him in its Feb. 3 issue, admitting, "Truth be told, the pudgy woodchuck is just an excuse for a midnight-to-dawn bash on a little hill south of town."

If one were to believe his rodent pals, Punxsutawney's most famous native son nearly suffered a nervous breakdown after this year's Groundhog Day festivities drew an estimated record weekday crowd of 15,000 drunken college students.

"He was super stressed-out," commented Timothy Turnipseed, a fast-talking Eastern chipmunk with a penchant for pistachios. "I've known him for a coon's age and I think the pressure to perform has finally gotten to him," Turnipseed said, reaching for another pawful of pistachios.

The FBI has reason to believe that the attempt on Jimmy's life was to have taken the form of cyanide-laced carrots. An FBI spokesperson would not reveal on what evidence the Bureau is basing its suspicions.

Sun Prairie Mayor JoAnn Orfan said in a statement that "Jimmy is in fear for his life and refuses to eat any carrots that have not been tested for the deadly poison." Orfan said Jimmy was "shocked and saddened to learn that Phil's professional jealousy had caused him to sink to such depths of depravity."
"A groundhog's carrots are not to be trifled with!" an indignant Jimmy reportedly cried. Said to be hibernating in his secluded Appalachian Mountain retreat in western Pennsylvania, Phil could not be reached for comment. To date, no charges have been filed, but authorities say they have a SWAT team standing by at an undisclosed location near Phil's burrow.

Now the rules were, we each had to put "April Fool" somewhere at the end of our hoax articles. I handled it this way:

Hey, you! Yes, I'm talking to you, gentle reader. If you have made it this far through this silly article without realizing it's all a big hoax, I sincerely apologize for upsetting you, not to mention wasting your time. Please relax, Jimmy is safe in his Town of Sun Prairie burrow, no doubt dreaming of carrots laced with peanut butter. And as for Punx'y Phil - well, he better have a sense of humor. That's all I can say. Except for this, of course: April Fool!!!

A view to a Hugh

Hey, House fans!

'Ave a butcher's at this 'ere brand spankin' new interview with Hugh Laurie at The Times online. (No, not that Times, the British one!! LMAO)

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article3617324.ece